Unlike on normal TV, where commercials for cars and beer are (thank God this is over) political campaigns are essentially waiting-room muzak keeping you from your appointment with entertainment, kids' television programming pales in comparison to the often eye-opening and bizarre commercials. I don't watch a lot of Nickelodeon these days, but if I decide to watch a few minutes of SpongeBob, even his wacky antics can't amuse me like a commercial for toy hamsters on wheels wearing ninja costumes, or the fact that kids still want a doll whose diapers they can change. (You probably shouldn't click on that link. It's pretty creepy.)
Then there are the jingles. How does the song advertising Mermaid Barbie go again? Oh, that's right: "Barbie in a mermaid ta-a-a-ail!" (It's actually "Barbie in a Mermaid Tale," but I saw a doll wearing a mermaid's tail, so I feel strongly that it works both ways.) Sweet and to the point. And after only a couple of viewings, even I can sing along with the Pillow Pets jingle: "It's a pillow. It's a pet. It's a Pillow PET!"
Granted, the poor parents of young children that have to see these commercials several times a day are probably dying for a nice, bone-dry Infiniti commercial with some classical music in the background, or a Michelob ad that maintains that rollerbladers only drink ultra-lite beer. But for now, I'm sticking with the kids when it's time for a word from our sponsors.
Watch at your own risk: