Marissa Flaxbart

All I know about oil spills, I learned from Zack Morris.

What's worse than ignoring the lessons of the past? 

Ignoring the lessons of Saturday morning television. Especially when the lesson was taught by the less-than-deep students of Bayside High. Among those lessons: Drugs are bad, lying is bad, cheating is bad...and drilling for crude oil is dangerous.

I've been at a loss as to what I could possible do to help out in the wake of the current Gulf disaster. As always in times of crisis, I turned to my encyclopedic knowledge of ridiculous sitcoms. This is what I came up with. Enjoy, and please share.

Oil Spill: Saved by the Bell vs. Reality from Marissa Flaxbart on Vimeo.

Anybody with enough smarts to follow Saved by the Bell should understand why drilling is not an undertaking to enter into lightly, why strict regulations are necessary (no filibusters, jerkwads!) and why oil dependency is for tools. It was true in 1991, and for God's sake, it's true now.  

Pretty things

ook! A new Daily Drop Cap! I couldn't resist using this one since it has my blog colors in it. Of course, having a drop cap doesn't make much sense unless I extend this paragraph so that the letters and words pile up to the left of the letter. What would be really great would be if the paragraph got so long that the words started to wrap to the underside of the pretty letter. But that might depend on the size at which you're viewing this text. Let's move on then, shall we?

In this post, I'd like to add to the above pretty thing by showing pictures of a few other pretty things that sum up my past few weeks:

Thanks to Mary, I am now officially obsessed with The Mighty Boosh. I'm not super proud of this fact, but Mary is. Today, I posted a review of Get Him to the Greek on Cineplexus. In honor of these two facts, let's enjoy a picture of Russell Brand and Noel Fielding in a tender embrace.

 If that's not pretty, I don't know what is.

Pretty boy! Maybe that's what Slater's calling Zack in this still from Saved by the Bell, which I used in my Sweet Valley Diaries post about how often the guys on Sweet Valley covers look like Tom Cruise. Sounds interesting, right? You'll have to read it to figure out how this image fits in.

OMG guess what this is???? It's a still from my showchoir documentary, which, yes, still exists, and is in fact closer than ever to being finished. Aiming for the fall. Isn't it lovely?

Let's close up with some more traditionally pretty things...

 Finally, here are some pictures from my trip to New Mexico. I was actually born there, and my parents are both from there, so it's not an unusual place for me to visit. That said, this was kind of an unusual trip, as it was in the Spring, just for fun, and involved a trip to my cousin's boyfriend's goat ranch in the high desert. It was truly lovely.

Date Night, Losers Reviews on Cineplexus

Look who's not putting off writing her movie reviews! Yaaaay! Last Thursday I posted a pre-release review of Losers, and today I posted a review of Date Night. ANy guesses which I liked more? You might be surprised.

I think my best observation in either review is that Date Night is a kind of complementary Adventures in Babysitting. In this version, the babysitter stays at home and the suburban couple has the random city adventure. I've always loved Adventures in Babysitting, especially since it was shot in Chicago…and that "college party" at U of C near the end! They missed the mark on that part a bit. Not enough people talking about Weber/Kant/Tarantino/Dungeons & Dragons. :)

At any rate, here's some food for thought. Remember to take the 20-year time difference into account:

Sweet Valley Diaries: Book 35 Post is Up!

New on Sweet Valley Diaries! Sweet Valley High Book #35, Out of Control, or The Furious Case of Aaron Dallas.

Thus begins a week-long series of Diaries posts, wherein I champion book donators, set forth my plans for the future, and devote an entire entry to the prominent B-Story of Book 35.

Enjoy, former teenagers!

Axe Cop Rocks

As if the mind of a five-year-old weren't amazing enough on its own, five-year-old Malachai Nicolle's mind has been distilled by his amazing, much-older, comic-book-artist brother's talents. The result is Axe Cop, a gorgeous, periodic web comic that makes me laugh so hard I feel like I'm exercising.

Axe Cop has it all: a cop that finds an axe, a shape-shifting (possibly radioactive) soldier sidekick, a uni-baby (a baby with a unicorn horn)…if you're not already convinced that this is great stuff, I am not sure I want you reading this blog.

No, wait. Come back. I do want you to read my blog! I just also want you to check out Axe Cop. But not from you iPhone, because it's Flash-based. Ugh.

Happy reading!

Full House Genetics

So, here's what I'm thinking, and not for the first time:

If Uncle Jesse is so super-Greek, and Danny Tanner has dark hair and brown eyes, why are all the Tanner girls so fair and blonde? Their mom (also, presumably super-Greek) is supposed to have been blonde with blue eyes?

I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this one, and it's not that some Greeks are fair and blonde. I know this is true, but the Katsopolis family is not from that part of Greece. (Have you seen Jesse's parents? Not blonde.) And it's not that blue eyes and blonde hair are recessive traits, which of course they are; even if somehow both Danny and his wife passed on the recessive gene for, say, blondeness, the chances that all of their daughters would be fair and blonde with blue eyes is very low.

No, in this case, the answer lies in the great sitcom tradition of "Not Giving a Shit." Some sitcoms are more concerned with this internal continuity than others, and I don't think I'm shocking anyone by observing that Full House and its writers/producers didn't mind making the impossible possible from season to season or episode to episode. For example: Joey Gladstone, comedian, was never funny. A hip, cool rocker like Uncle Jesse should probably not be obsessed with corny oldies music. And the Beach Boys don't come to your house and sing songs with you, no matter how cute a family you are.

My theory is that no one ever planned to explore Jesse's cultural heritage. As you may know, in the first season he was "Jesse Cochran." It was only in the second season that it was changed to Katsopolis, seemingly at actor/star John Stamos' request. This doesn't explain why they hired Stamos, who was always Greek with very dark hair and skin, to be the uncle of three blonde girls…but some things don't need to be explained. Some things can be chalked up to a sparkly eye and a winning smile. Maybe that's the real lesson here.

Michael and Michael Have Issues With a Rowdy Audience

 I've been a big fan of Michael Showalter and Michael Ian Black for a long time, and was thrilled to find out that they were headed to Chicago to do a live show, based on the success of their Comedy Central show Michael and Michael Have Issues. When I heard it was at the Metro, I was confused. What kind of comedy venue is that?

The answer? A lousy one. The guys came on at about 9:45 and started in with some conversational schtick, playing hilarious (though woefully unedited) real footage of a recent interview they'd done on Detroit's local morning news. They continued in this casual vein, clearly not hot to peform any carefully-planned material. They were just funny guys being funny. It's not a strategy that works for everyone, but for the first half of the show, it was hilarious. 

As the show continued, however, things started to get strange. After Black explained that their series had not yet been picked up for another season (it may still be), an audience member upset at what he thought was its cancellation shouted "Try harder!" This slight was not to be ignored, and the guys riffed on that for a while, talking to the heckler and making a joke out of it. A long joke. They moved on, but some audience members were under impression that it was now a participation act. Girls in the Metro's balcony, which hangs very close to the stage, started shouting out any thought they had, directing the show through their drunken rambling. If they were trying to derail the whole enterprise and make it about them, these ladies succeeded. It was awkward and unpleasant for everyone.

How should the Michaels have handled it? If they'd ignored the shouting, the second half of the show would likely have been much smoother and shown clearer direction. But ignoring something as loud as this in such a small space would also have been truly odd, and out-of-character. It was a lose-lose.

Maybe I'm biased, but I'm tempted to blame the choice of venue. Sure, opener Jessi Klein was able to deftly handle a couple of audience outburts that occurred during her straight-forward standup set, but it was much shorter. If the Michaels return to Chicago, I'll be thrilled to see them again, but only if their booking agent chooses a different venue. Preferably one that doesn't have a balcony that hangs close to the stage. Oh, and seats would be nice. 

In the Loop ★★★★

The latest from my film review blog, Cineplexus.

The past few years have been jam packed with movies showcasing different perspectives on the Middle East, and on war in the Middle East specifically. Babel, Rendition, Grace is Gone…not too many of these movies have been gutbusters. I cannot, nor will I ever, subject myself to Delta Farce, so I can't speak to its comedic value. But British comedy In the Loop manages to offer an original, scathing take on Western government that is both hilarious and timely, even if its references to going to war in the Middle East refer largely to events that have long since passed.

The film focuses on a few mid-level figures in both the English and the American government, and is thus set in London and D.C. The role each government's minor players begin to take on ineach other's worlds builds until it has a major effect on world events. If that sounds pretty serious, that's the beauty of In the Loop. Throughout the film, serious events are unfolding at the hands of especially un-serious people. And the most threatening figures are also the most hilarious – two Scots who can't go more that a few seconds without swearing while screaming are in charge of the English government's public relations.

A constant barrage of accents, sycophants, sarcasm, and cultural-reference jokes keep what could be a dry political "thriller" a fresh, funny, and biting political comedy. Go see it at your local indie house ASAP if you're good with accents (Chicagoans, it's showing at the Landmark Century at least through this weekend). Otherwise, wait for the subtitled DVD so you won't miss a beat.

It Scares Me Like the Real Thing

There are a lot of holes in our collective memory when we think back on great moments in popular culture. When I told friends about how I met and spoke with Harriet Miers and her family last month, most of them had totally forgotten who she was. I still can't remember the name of that weird cartoon with the alligator named Jolene. In 5 to 10 years, my dad won't be the only person who doesn't know who Kate Gosselin is.

I have a special place in my heart for one particular show that most of the world seems to have forgotten – or never heard about at all: Sifl N Olly. I loved this show when it was really on TV, and I still love it today. We have to rely on YouTube for most record of the show, as MTV/Viacom has never released the astonishingly bizarre and hilarious sock puppet "talk show" on DVD. Creators Matt Crocco and Liam Lynch did release an unaired third season of the show several years ago. It's wonderful.

So much a part of my subconscious is this silly program that today, while walking down the street, a stray thought about fake blood (I was looking at a horrifying cake) managed to get the song "Fake Blood" from Sifl N Olly in my head. And then I nearly laughed out loud. While walking down the street. Alone.

If you don't find strange things funny, you might as well stop reading now. Otherwise, do yourself a favor and click play.

30 Rock's Fun Cooker is Real!

The world is full of products that seem more like a joke than reality. Case in point: the Obama Chia Pet. But there's one product on the market right now that's both a joke andreality.

A recent episode of 30 Rock found Jack (Alec Baldwin) – who, as you may know, heads up Television and Microwave Programming at 30 Rock's fictional version of GE – desperately searching for a new name for his ground-breaking mini-microwave after the name "Bite Nuker" failed in European focus groups. In the episode, which originally aired on March 12th, Jack derails all progress on the week's TGS script, looking for new names for the device; strong candidates included "The Small Wonder" and "Port-a-Hottie," but Kenneth (Jack McBrayer) eventually suggested and Jack settled on the winning marketing moniker: "The Funcooker." This name is a go until Tracy (Tracy Morgan) uses the term to refer to his bared posterior on national television. Oops.

Fate of the fake Funcooker aside, I can't help but wonder what the folks at iCubed International think of the joke. While the company seems to have a slew of interesting products in the works, their current inventory involves just one primary item: a portable mini-microwave called the iWaveCube. The unbelievable device (I'm not entirely sure I do believe it!) comes in a host of fun colors and costs only $99; it's to be followed later this year by the iToastCube and the iFridgeCube. What's more, for $149 you can get one with a transformer that allows you to use it "in case of natural or man-made disaster." That model can be powered by your car.

That's right. You can microwave things in your CAR.

So, is this all just a hilarious coincidence, or are the 30 Rock writers paying homage to their favorite gadget? The jury's still out on that one; I'll have to do a bit more research and see what I can dig up. That said, if Season 4 of 30 Rock finds Jack pitching the Funfreezer or the Funburner, we'll know for sure where the inspiration came from.