Marissa Flaxbart

Zombie Chef!

The very hilarious sketch comedy troupe Long Pork, featuring some of my very hilarious friends, just finished their latest video, which I'm thrilled to share here. Ladies and gentlemen: Zombie Chef.

Zombie Chef from Long Pork on Vimeo.

Slumdog Millionaire ★★★★½

The short review below comes from my film review blog, Cineplexus. Enjoy!

For two days after we left the theater, my grandma would not hear mention of the word "India" without adding "awful, awful country!" This, of course, was not the intended message of Slumdog Millionaire, nor was it the message I left the theater with. Though the film is certainly packed with some pretty grim, gross, and dangerous images of life as a "slumdog" orphan criminal, I don't think the entire nation of India can be blamed for the events of this fictional drama (sorry, Grandma).

In fact, Slumdog Millionaire triumphs because of its fantastic juxtaposition of the lows and highs of life – specifically for main characters Jamal, Salim, and Latika, but, indirectly, for everyone. In fact, the film is very clear in its suggestion that all the hardships of Jamal Malik's life can be held responsible for his happy successes. 

This movie has already swept the Golden Globes, and is nominated for 10 Academy Awards. If you know anyone who has seen it (other than my grandmother), chances are they've urged you to check it out as soon as possible. I feel a little silly adding any more to the chorus, so let me just say this: Slumdog Millionaire is a tragic and triumphant story about love, endurance, and the power of kismet. Go as soon as you can, eschewing Paul Blart and Bride Wars though it may mean, and brace yourself for some intense pain and pleasure. Bring Kleenex.

Before the Featured Presentation, Allow Us to Devour Your Soul

I am not a 3 Doors Down fan, and I found their in-theater attempt at a National Guard commercial irritating. It was a little too patronizing, I felt, and glamorized the sacrifices of war – pretty trashy at a time when too many young men and women have fought and died in an initially pointless and seemingly endless war.

I see a lot of movies and thus had to endure this song many, many times. Imagine my surprise when, several months after initially seeing and hearing the grating ad, I came full circle and was actually relieved when it appeared on the screen before my movie (I see kind of a lot of movies). No, I hadn't grown to love the tune or the band. It was just the lesser of two evils. Much, much lesser.

I'm referring to an alternate ad that the National Guard began showing some months later, featuring another song, but the same general message: if you are a responsible, loyal American, you will join the National Guard (oh, and we're a little short on soldiers right now, so you're going to be headed to Iraq. kthanxbai).  This commercial, which features Kid Rock singing a song called "Warrior" that features some really special screaming along with its war-cliche-only lyrics. If you're lucky enough not to have seen it, consider yourself warned before checking it out here.

It would hardly be worth writing about this if this was just an annoying jingle. But this is an all-around  stomach-turning production. "If you're not going to fight," Kid Rock moans, "get out of my way."  Meanwhile, soldiers man tanks in the desert and gently hand soccer balls to initially terrified and then relieved blue-eyed Arab children. And then there are the race cars. Oh, yeah. Haven't you heard? NASCAR suddenly has something to do with the military.

The other celebrity that's a part of this trainwreck is none other than racing superstar Dale Earnhardt, Jr. If you can't conjure up an image of him in your head, or you don't immediately associate him with all that is awesomeness, then guess what? You're not the target demo that the National Guard is pandering to! Hooray! Every time (and there are several) that this video cuts from the war zone to a clip of race cars flying down the track, I wonder who the US Armed Forces thinks their fooling. It's all just a little too cut and dry for me to stomach.

Then, a few months ago, the miracle occurred. The commercial was gone from the pre-movie reel, replaced by the milder "Citizen Soldier" ad. I assumed it had been complained out of the theaters. I don't know if I was right or wrong, but it doesn't matter anymore. If you go to the "Warrior" website ("Do a Yahoo! search for "Warrior," Dale Jr. recommends at the commercial's end), you'll see a banner proudly proclaiming of the ad "Back In Theaters." And sure enough, I just saw it again. Before Doubt of all films. No moviegoer is safe. Until it goes away again, I guess I'll just have to do what my dad does: Bring headphones.